Here are some warning signs that can indicate you have A.D.R.F.F.G.G.O. (Attention Deficit Regarding Family and Friends and General Goofing Off) You haven’t taken a sick day this week and it’s already Wednesday. You’ve had one or more promotions since starting with the company. When there’s a problem at work, they cal YOU. You have your own office. You have your own desk. You have your own parking spot. You have your own suit. When you’re sleeping, you dream about work. Even when you’re already AT work. If you add up the total number of hours in a year and find that you are spending in excess of 10 per cent of that time at your job, you may have an A.D.R.F.F.G.G.O. problem. If you answered yes to any of the above, here are some steps you can take to reverse this dangerous trend before it’s too late. Befriend unemployed people. That way, when you take a day off work, you have someone to hang with. Rationalize your attitude. Convince yourself that you’re being paid half of what you’re worth. Instead of ki ling yourself working hard for a raise you’re probably never going to get, find ways to get out of working so that you’re only being productive half the time. That’s the same thing as getting twice the pay. Connect with your children by learning about their lives. While they’re at school, stay home and play their video games. Initiate meaningful conversation with your wife by watching Oprah with her. Have a good reason not to go to work. Own only one suit and make sure it’s at the cleaners most of the time. Join every religion so you qualify for al of their holidays. If by some fluke this behaviour leads to your termination, have a discussion with your wife, concluding with the realization that one of you is going to have to find gainful employment. Then it’s just a matter of playing the waiting game with her. If you’ve been married for more than ten years, I’m guessing you’re used to that.

— How to Do Everything by Red Green (Page 22 - 23)