4thace@books.theunseen.city reviewed Swann's Way by Marcel Proust
A superior translation to the one dating back to the 1920s
5 stars
When I reviewed the English translation of this book by C. K. Scott Moncrieff (books.theunseen.city/user/4thace/review/79935/s/review-of-swanns-way-on-goodreads#anchor-79935) it was 2013, my Year of Reading Proust over at Goodreads. I gave it five stars then, after some hesitation, after I had even more time to think of what these books are trying to bring about in the reader. I originally read that older translation in the 1980s when I was in graduate school and remember that only in a hazy way, especially the long central section focusing on the inner life of Charles Swann. Now after having all the books in the series I know that character is not a central as I assumed before and have enough perspective now to concentrate on the language without being sidetracked by such assumptions. Also, I read the Collected Stories by Lydia Davis (books.theunseen.city/user/4thace/review/79794/s/review-of-the-collected-stories-of-lydia-davis-on-goodreads#anchor-79794), the translator of this newer edition, and was …
When I reviewed the English translation of this book by C. K. Scott Moncrieff (books.theunseen.city/user/4thace/review/79935/s/review-of-swanns-way-on-goodreads#anchor-79935) it was 2013, my Year of Reading Proust over at Goodreads. I gave it five stars then, after some hesitation, after I had even more time to think of what these books are trying to bring about in the reader. I originally read that older translation in the 1980s when I was in graduate school and remember that only in a hazy way, especially the long central section focusing on the inner life of Charles Swann. Now after having all the books in the series I know that character is not a central as I assumed before and have enough perspective now to concentrate on the language without being sidetracked by such assumptions. Also, I read the Collected Stories by Lydia Davis (books.theunseen.city/user/4thace/review/79794/s/review-of-the-collected-stories-of-lydia-davis-on-goodreads#anchor-79794), the translator of this newer edition, and was intrigued by the idea of someone well known for her very short gnomic stories tackling such a large, lush book as a translation project. It turns out she did so with consummate talent, showing the same sensitivity to word choice, rhythm, and mood that I liked in her collected works.
By way of comparison, I present a sentence in the last section of the novel, "Place-Names: The Name," in the two translations. First, the Moncrieff translation:
And when I recalled, later, what I had felt at the time, I could distinguish the impression of having been held, for a moment, in her mouth, myself, naked, without, any longer, any of the social qualifications which belonged equally to her other companions and, when she used my surname, to my parents, accessories of which her lips--by the effort that she made, a little after her father's manner, to articulate the words to which she wished to give a special value--had the air of stripping, of divesting me, as one peels the skin from a fruit of which one is going to put only the pulp into ones mouth, while her glance, adapting itself to the same new degree of intimacy as her speech, fell on me also more directly, not without testifying to the consciousness, the pleasure, even the gratitude that it felt, accompanying itself with a smile. (p. 308 in the paperback)
Next, the Davis translation:
And remembering later what I had felt then, I could distinguish within it the impression that I had been held for a moment in her mouth, I myself, naked, without any of the social terms and conditions that also belonged, either to her other friends, or, when she said my family name, to my parents, and of which her lips--in the effort she made, rather like her father, to articulate the words she wanted to emphasize--seemed to strip me, undress me, as one removes the skin from a fruit of which only the pulp can be eaten, while her gaze, adopting the same new degree of intimacy as her words, reached me more directly also, while at the same time showing its awareness of this, its pleasure and even its gratitude, by accompanying itself with a smile. (p. 420 in the hardback edition)
The way that characteristic confusion of syntax Proust uses when drilling into the precise nuance of some thought is maybe more unclear to my thought in the older translation. There are 24 commas in the Moncrief translation versus 18 in the Davis one and I think this is not just an accident. The Davis translation seems a bit more natural to me while still being faithful to the author's unusual style. I like how it give me more of a sense of shock in the way it uses the image of the figuratively naked narrator in the girl's mouth.
Glad as I am of having access to this new version in English, it is sad that there is no indication she will take on the other books in the series. The second volume is my favorite of all so I just have to imagine how she would have rendered the Normandy scenes with new, updated phrasing. If I could have had her take on the last book, in which the character Gilberte drops back in to the story after a very long absence and the theme of the turbulent passage of time comes out in full force, I think I would have been happy. It just feels as though the attention paid to freeing the words from older English prose conventions might have led there to a beautiful lyrical effect.